I don’t need to name myself a sufferer. As I mirror on the previous three years, I view myself as a survivor, as a result of I’ve really survived the unimaginable. Not solely did I survive being shot by somebody I trusted and thought of a detailed pal, however I overcame the general public humiliation of getting my identify and fame dragged via the mud by that particular person for your entire world to see.
For years, my attacker laughed and joked about my trauma. For years, my attacker peddled false narratives about what occurred on the evening of July 12, 2020. For years, my attacker tried to leverage social media to remove my energy. Think about the way it feels to be known as a liar on daily basis? Particularly from an individual who was as soon as a part of your interior circle.
Once I was youthful, my dad and mom warned me about being too trusting. My daddy used to say, “Simply because any individual smiles in your face doesn’t imply they’re actually down for you.” My dad and mom emphasised the significance of defending my spirit, however at the same time as I went to highschool on daily basis, I naïvely believed that everybody got here with pure intentions and needed to be my pal. Over time, I noticed that sure folks didn’t want a logical cause to be hateful or imply, however my sympathetic aspect nonetheless needed to offer others the good thing about the doubt. Sadly, it took till this devastating expertise for me to totally grasp the magnitude of my dad and mom’ message again then.
I might have let the adversity break me, however I persevered, at the same time as folks handled my trauma like a operating joke. First, there have been conspiracy theories that I used to be by no means shot. Then got here the false narratives that my former greatest pal shot me. Even a few of my friends within the music trade piled on with memes, jokes, and sneak disses, and utterly ignored the truth that I might have misplaced my life. As a substitute of condemning any type of violence in opposition to a girl, these people tried to justify my attacker’s actions.
I want I might have dealt with this example privately. That was my intention, however as soon as my attacker made it public, the whole lot modified. By the point I recognized my attacker, I used to be utterly drained. Many thought I used to be inexplicably healed as a result of I used to be nonetheless smiling via the ache, nonetheless posting on social media, nonetheless performing, nonetheless dancing, and nonetheless releasing music.
The reality is that I began falling right into a melancholy. I didn’t really feel like making music. I used to be in such a low place that I didn’t even know what I needed to rap about. I puzzled if folks even cared anymore. There could be instances that I’d actually be backstage or in my lodge, crying my eyes out, after which I’d have to tug Megan Pete collectively and be Megan Thee Stallion.
It by no means crossed my thoughts that individuals wouldn’t imagine me. Nonetheless, I knew the reality and the indeniable info would prevail. I had labored approach too arduous to succeed in this level in my profession to let taunts deter me. When the responsible verdict got here on Dec. 23, 2022, it was extra than simply vindication for me, it was a victory for each lady who has ever been shamed, dismissed, and blamed for a violent crime dedicated in opposition to them.
However my coronary heart hurts for all the ladies around the globe who’re struggling in silence, particularly for those who’re a Black lady who doesn’t seem as if she wants assist. So many instances, folks checked out me and thought, “You look robust. You’re outspoken. You’re tall. You don’t appear to be any individual who must be saved.” They assumed that, per preconceived stigmas, “I didn’t match the profile of a sufferer,” and that I didn’t want help or safety.
Time after time, ladies are bullied with backlash for talking out in opposition to their attackers, particularly after they’re accusing somebody who is known and rich. They’re typically accused of mendacity or making an attempt to make cash from their trauma. From firsthand expertise, I do know why a number of ladies don’t come ahead. Any help and empathy that I obtained was drowned out by overwhelming doubt and criticism from so many others.
These previous couple of months, I’ve been therapeutic after being in such a darkish place. The bodily and psychological scars from this whole ordeal will at all times sting, however I’m taking the suitable steps to renew my life. I’ve spent the previous couple of months off social media and taking day off for myself, spending time with my canines, hanging out with my supervisor, Farris, and doing a number of praying.
Navigating these feelings with out my mother or great-grandma has been difficult. Rising up, they at all times made me really feel like I might mud myself off, get again up, and preserve going. I nonetheless miss their steerage and reassurance. On the similar time, I’m grateful that this example introduced me nearer to one among my cousins. I speak to her each single day, however it by no means clicked that she was my greatest pal till I endured this expertise.
I’m in a happier place, however I nonetheless have anxiousness. Speaking about being shot nonetheless makes me emotional. I’ve began journaling as a method to higher course of my ideas, hopes, and fears. Prayer has additionally performed a therapeutic function in my therapeutic, as a result of I can have trustworthy and unfiltered conversations with God with none judgment.
However that’s the method of therapeutic: It’s an ongoing course of with moments of concern and uncertainty blended in with blissful realization. I’ve accepted this chapter of my life as a part of my journey, however I can’t enable it to outline my journey. I’ve been dragged via the mud, however I’m so blissful that I’m capable of lastly come out of it with a brand new perspective.
I’m engaged on establishing higher boundaries with the those that I enable into my life. For years, I saved making an attempt to show my loyalty and friendship to folks with out creating the area for them to reciprocate the identical. Now, I’m extra cautious with how I work together with others and analyze their true intentions.
I’m additionally getting extra snug with saying “no” to guard my peace. Up to now, there have been instances after I did issues merely to please others and never as a result of I really needed to do them. These days are over. I’m placing myself first now as a result of I do know what I like, I do know what I don’t like, I do know what I’m not going to tolerate, and I do know what I can endure as a result of I’ve been battle-tested for therefore lengthy. I’m prepared to indicate all people that every one the grime they threw at me didn’t stick.
My goal is for these phrases to function the ultimate time that I’ll deal with something concerning this case within the press. I perceive the general public intrigue, however for the sake of my psychological well being, I don’t plan to maintain reliving probably the most traumatic expertise of my life time and again. I’m selecting to vary the narrative as a result of I’m extra than simply my trauma.
I used to be as soon as instructed you could’t have crucifixion with out resurrection, and that assertion resonated so deeply with me. This can be a rebirth of a happier and more healthy me. I’m a survivor and I’ve—and can proceed—to embrace the highs and lows of my journey. I’m excited to get again into music, as a result of I’ve been so reworked. I’m taking part in round with new songs and new sounds that I can’t wait for everybody to listen to.
To all of the Hotties, please know I’m so extremely grateful for you. You don’t even know all of the little issues that you simply’ve accomplished to make me really feel uplifted and impressed through the years. A few of my Hotties even confirmed as much as courtroom, and it touched my soul. I additionally need to categorical my honest gratitude to all the ladies who rallied round me, used their voices, and penned an open letter of help on my behalf.
For anybody who has survived violence, please know your emotions are legitimate. You matter. You aren’t at fault. You’re necessary. You’re cherished. You aren’t outlined by your trauma. You’ll be able to proceed to write down stunning, new chapters to your life story. Simply since you are in a nasty scenario doesn’t imply you’re a unhealthy individual. Our worth doesn’t come from the opinions of different folks. So long as you stand your floor and dwell in your fact, no one can take your energy.
We are able to’t management what others suppose, particularly when the lies are juicier than the reality. However as a society, we should create safer environments for ladies to return ahead about violent habits with out concern of retaliation. We should present stronger sources for ladies to get better from these tragedies bodily and emotionally, with out concern of judgment. We should do greater than say her identify. We should defend all ladies who’ve survived the unimaginable.
Editor’s observe: In December 2022, a Los Angeles jury discovered Tory Lanez, a.okay.a. Daystar Peterson, responsible of assault with a semiautomatic firearm; possession of a hid, unregistered firearm; and negligent discharge of a firearm. In late March, Lanez filed a movement in Los Angeles County Superior Courtroom requesting a brand new trial; prosecutors opposed that movement. Lanez’s attorneys have additionally steered that he could enchantment the decision if a brand new trial is just not granted. On Tuesday, August 8, 2023, Lanez was sentenced to 10 years in jail for the taking pictures.
Hair by Tokyo Stylez at Chris Aaron Administration; make-up by Rokael Lizama for Opus Magnificence; manicure by Coca Michelle; set design by Julie Faravel for Owl and the Elephant; produced by Anthony Federici for Petty Money Manufacturing.
This text seems within the Could 2023 subject of ELLE.
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